Speaking on behalf everyone? You're likely not helping any of us!

Tonight I read an article on how not to say something wrong to a person in a crisis, it was a one size fits all approach that quite frankly left a bitter taste in my mouth. Over the years I have got quite sick of people pretending to speak for all of us, like we are all cut from the same cloth and should all be treated the same or offended by the same thing. Just like each one of us is a unique human being so our the situations we land in, what works for one person may not work for another. Yes people can be jerks sometimes but, personally, I rather deal with a few jerks then have everyone walk on egg shells afraid to offend me.

Have you visited my child in the hospital or while he's ill and can't handle the emotional impact it has on you? Go ahead and tell me, I will understand, and I certainly wont be offended. Do you know what would bother me? Saying nothing to me, dumping on someone else, and vanishing from sight until things are better. For me that shows you don't care, that you rather talk behind my back and aren't truly there to support us. If you tell me you can not handle something or something is too emotional for you I can reassure you, I can walk you through what's what and hopefully not make things so scary, however, if you don't talk to me I can't help you and chances are you will no longer be there to help me.

Keeping a good and strong support system can be an uphill battle at times, people can become so worried about offending you that they rather leave your inner circle then potentially say something wrong. Keeping the lines of communication open and making it a two-way street instead of always expecting the person to only listen to you unload can relieve some of the tension and bring about a stronger understand of the whole situation. Before you boarded the boat you were on how much did you know about the crisis you are facing? Most likely very little. How did you react the first time you came face to face with a serious medical crisis? Did you go into it and not feel a sense of shock, fear, or even anger? Most likely you did. So don't expect your support group not to feel those same feelings, if they truly can not handle it, do no be offended, some people just aren't made to be able to handle that situation.

Do you have advice? Have you been in a similar situation or worse? Some people may not want to hear it, but others do, there is nothing like the feeling of the world closing in on you, the floor dropping out from under your feet, and feeling like you are alone. It can become even worse if you find yourself or your child facing a grim prognosis, so if you can tell me about someone just like me, or my child, who went through something similar or worse and had a positive outcome TELL ME! I want to see that there is hope, that a poor prognosis doesn't mean the end of the world, that miracles do happen.

Want to lighten the mood and crack a joke? Laughter is the best medicine. My dad and I had a very close relationship and when he was dxed with pancreatic cancer we use to joke that he looked like dog pee on snow. The gasps we used to get from outsiders was hilarious, THEY were offended and because THEY were offended we should stop because "it's not funny", sorry but I have news for you, it was! When he relapsed and his tumor made him look like he was 9 months pregnant with twins he'd clutch his lower back and say "these kids better be worth it", he kept a smile on his face and joked around no matter how much pain he was in until the day he slipped into a coma. His battle was made so much easier by us being able to find a little humour in it all, we knew he was dying, we knew he wouldn't recover, we knew there was no miracle to be had for him, so why dwell on the bad? Why not make the most of the time you have left? My dad told me "I don't want to be treated like that pitiful dying person, I want to be treated like I would if I wasn't ill, I don't want my last days spent being pitied by others and I don't want them to sugar coat things and lie. I look like shit, don't tell me I look great, don't tell me everything will be okay, it wont be." Find the light in the dark, make memories that will last a lifetime, don't dwell on the bad. (RIP dad)

At the end of the day you know what is right for you and your family, if you don't like something, say so, if you have boundaries you don't want crossed, tell your support system. Your support system only functions as well as you allow them to, clear away the egg shells for them, tell them what your needs and wants are, they are not mind readers. The easier you make things for everyone, the easier it will be to find support when you need it. If someone does cross the line, don't talk about the issue behind their backs, tell them! Give them a chance to apologize, tell they why you thought it was out of line, and try not to hold grudges, chances are you've also been guilty of saying the wrong thing before so give them a chance to redeem themselves. If they continue to be insensitive weed the poisonous people out of your inner circle, they didn't belong there to begin with, but don't allow one slip up destroy your network. Networks get smaller over time due to many reasons so the last thing you want to do is alienate people that may be there for the long haul over one perceived insult or insensitive comment.